Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
