i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
