he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize