I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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