You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i will never coherently bang her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
