dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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