Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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