meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
