Sry I called you an 8
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
