plz talk dirty to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is wine microwaveable?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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