i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
