its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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