I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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