Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
