watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
