a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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