We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize