Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
