i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
