just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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