We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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