Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
