theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize