Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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