Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has the fingertips of a God
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