So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
