There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
