my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
