she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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