So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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