i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
that is very illegal...i love you.
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