After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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