and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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