yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
