I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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