Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
