we have officially lost it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
