You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
