i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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