OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
