Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
