we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize