i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
