ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love accidental penises.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
