cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
