Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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