You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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