she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Randomize
