dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They have beer where we have blood.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
