I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize