Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
