somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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