Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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