The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
