My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
