I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
40s are totally the cure
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
