my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dick very happy bro
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
