Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
