She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
