Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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