Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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