We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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