His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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