Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
