in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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