Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
