You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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