My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Small penises have feelings too.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize