No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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