All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
