Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
