I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
