Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize