So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
