i think my tv is drunk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
