it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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