All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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