party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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