What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize