Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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