New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
