living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont even know how to be here
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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