we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
