I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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