I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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