Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
