His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
