summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
