My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize