Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
