The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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