this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
