So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
