if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
