i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just found a bag of teeth...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
