Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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