life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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