My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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