Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize