theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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